Self Disclosure

Your spouse should be your best friend, your safe haven, your confidant. There is nothing to hide from each other (unless it is a surprise of course :D) In a healthy and happy marriage, it is vital to feel comfortable doing what is called "Self Disclosure" with your spouse.

Wikipedia defines self-disclosure as "a process of communication by which one person reveals information about himself or herself to another" (Self-disclosure, 2016). This is what occurs in courtship and should occur throughout your relationship. You should always be getting to know each other better and deepening your connection.

Marlene Williams, an associate professor at Brigham Young University said, “Submitting to love means that we allow our hearts to be vulnerable to a righteous spouse” (2016).

The key word to me in that quote is vulnerable. That is the part of love that scared me the most. But, Nate and I are at the point now where self-disclosure comes relatively easily. I am not going to share specific details, but there are many times when I will disclose something to Nate, and be a little bit afraid about how he will react. Usually he will be very understanding, we will take care of the issue, and we will move on. This really helps our relationship and helps me to know that I can share absolutely anything with him. I know that connection will continue to grow throughout our marriage.

Williams also says, “When you openly discuss weaknesses and problems without fear of rejection or ridicule, you can create a ‘safe place’ in the relationship. Having the safety to explore problems in an empathic and caring relationship facilitates the kind of self-examination that is necessary for change and growth to take place (2016).

So, not only do you have to be brave and self-disclose, but you need to help create the kind of environment where your spouse feels comfortable self-disclosing to you. You need to create an empathetic and loving environment that allows your spouse to feel safe and understood.

At the beginning of my relationship with Nate, I was not the greatest at self-disclosure, but he was. He shared with me a lot of things from his past that not everyone knows about. He was afraid it would scare me off and make me not want to pursue a relationship with him. However, I was able to be understanding and saw him for who he really was and who he has become. This deepened our connection and created a foundation that has held strong ever since.

I thought it would be interesting to compare these two pictures. The first one is the first time I went to visit him. The second one is after we had been dating for almost a year. I think you can tell how much more comfortable we are with each other. Well at least how much more comfortable I am. He pretty much looks the same :) I think that the increased level of comfortableness has a lot to do with self-disclosure and getting to know each other better.

Now it is your turn! Do your part to create a safe haven in your marriage. If there is something you are holding back from your spouse, share it with them, and make sure they know they can share anything with you. Vulnerability is not a bad thing, especially with your marriage partner.

References

Self-disclosure. (2016). In Wikipedia. Retrieved July 18, 2016, from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-disclosure

Wiliams, M. (2016, June 9). A Gospel of Relationships. Speech presented at Devotional Address in Brigham Young University, Provo. Retrieved June 9, 2016, from https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/marleen- williams_gospelrelationships/.