Rituals

Rituals are an important part of a marriage relationship. They are "social interactions that are repeated, coordinated, and significant" (Doherty, 2013). They can be literally anything, as long as it is something that is repeated, something that is coordinated and planned between the two parties, and something that has positive emotional meaning for the two parties. The significance factor is important. Without significance, you just have a meaningless routine (Doherty, 2013). Rituals turn a marriage from something that is just going through the motions, to two people who are connected and aware of each other.

Dr. Doherty (2013) speaks of 4 different types of rituals:

• Connection Rituals
• Talk Rituals
• Love Rituals
• Intimacy Rituals

Connection and Talk Rituals

These two are very self explanatory. They are rituals that allow you and your spouse to be connected during the day and that give you an opportunity to talk (Doherty, 2013). I realized that Nate and I have many of these kinds of rituals. One is good morning and goodnight texts. Every morning whoever wakes up first (usually him) will text good morning to the other person. He will say "Good morning beautiful" and I will respond "Good morning handsome". This helps us start our days off together, even though we aren't technically together. At night he will text "Goodnight sweetheart" and I will text "Goodnight honey". These are super cheesy and may sound like they are not a big deal, but they are one of our rituals for staying connected. If we go without one of the texts, it feels like there is something missing.

We used to have a talk ritual of him calling me when he was driving home from work. Since he moved closer to work, we haven't been able to do that. So, we have a new talking ritual of Skyping or talking on the phone every night. We talk about our days and just whatever is on our minds.

Sometimes rituals can be really weird and unique to a specific couple. For me and Nate, we take Sunday selfies to a new level. A very long time ago we started to send a picture to each other when we were all dressed up and looking nice for church. It evolved into sending multiple selfies that range from cute to ridiculous. I look forward to it every Sunday. Examples are below. Hopefully they aren't too embarrassing :)

Love and Intimacy Rituals

These are also pretty self explanatory. They are rituals that allow you two to show love to each other. They can be anything from saying I love you when you see each other to having weekly date nights. The difference with intimacy rituals is that it adds an element of self-disclosure. It creates a safe atmosphere of talking about hopes, dreams, fears, etc. This is especially important after marriage. You should continue to get to know each other as you did during your courtship (Doherty, 2013).

Invitation

My purpose in sharing this with you is so that you can think about the rituals you have in your own marriage. Do you already have some rituals that you enjoy? Continue doing them! Are you having a hard time thinking about any experience with rituals lately? That's okay, you can fix that. Talk with your spouse about ways you can stay connected amidst the mundane routines of everyday life. Start with a greeting ritual. Make it a point to greet each other with a hug and a kiss every day. I promise it will make you feel more connected with your spouse and bless every part of your marriage!

References

Doherty, W. J. (2013). Take Back Your Marriage Second Edition: Sticking Together in a World That Pulls Us Apart. New York: The Guilford Press.